When Religion Hurts: Exploring Unhealthy Spirituality and the Role of Therapy in Healing

As a Christian therapist in Nashville, TN specializing in trauma and OCD, I’ve walked alongside many individuals whose spirituality and faith communities have been a source of deep hope—and deep hurt.

Spirituality and religion can be incredibly healing. For many, their faith provides meaning, resilience, connection, and comfort in times of distress. Research even supports the idea that spiritual beliefs can be protective factors in mental health and recovery from trauma. However, not all spiritual experiences are created equal. There is a shadow side to spirituality and religion that, when distorted, can lead to pain, shame, disconnection, and even trauma.

In this post, I want to explore what unhealthy spirituality looks like, how it can impact our mental health, and how therapy can support a healthier, more integrated relationship with faith.

Defining Spirituality vs. Religion

Before diving deeper, it helps to define our terms.

Spirituality typically refers to a personal, internal sense of connection to something greater than oneself—often God, but sometimes expressed in broader, more individual ways. Religion, on the other hand, is more organized: a communal system of beliefs, rituals, and practices. Both can serve as sources of comfort and purpose, but they can also become distorted when used in ways that harm rather than heal.

Is “Deconstruction” a Bad Word?

Many people feel uneasy about the term deconstruction, especially within Christian circles. But what does it actually mean—and is it something to fear?

I first encountered the concept of “deconstruction” around 2006 in an undergraduate sociology class. In that context, deconstruction—drawing from the philosophy of Jacques Derrida—is a method of analyzing social structures by uncovering the hidden assumptions and power dynamics that shape them. That made sense to me. It’s a tool for taking something apart in order to understand how it came to be. To me, that’s neither good nor bad—it’s simply neutral.

Why is deconstruction important? Because all of us carry beliefs shaped not only by our religion, but also by our culture, family systems, geography, personal trauma, biology, sexual orientation, gender, socioeconomic status, race, mental health, and personal experiences. That being said, no one approaches spirituality, scriptures, religion or doctrine without the lens of our lived experiences and biases. No one has a pure, untainted perspective when it comes to religion and spirituality.  

In that light, deconstruction isn’t about walking away from faith (although, some choose that path)—it’s about refining it. It’s the ongoing process of unlearning distortions and rediscovering what is true and good. As a Christian therapist, I see this not as an act of rebellion, but as a spiritually courageous pursuit of deeper faith.

What Is Unhealthy Spirituality?

While research is limited, here are some studies and empirically based resources that help define unhealthy spirituality further here, here , and here . They sum up what Jesus says when he states: “You will know a tree by its fruit” (Matt 7:16). Below you will see some features of unhealthy spirituality. 

Unhealthy spirituality often:

• Shrinks your world and sense of self

• Increases anxiety, depression, or shame

• Justifies harm in the name of good

• Discourages questions, individuality, or emotional authenticity

• Represses true feelings in favor of forced positivity

• Avoids hard emotional work through “spiritual bypassing” 

• Prioritizes image, hierarchy, and control over love and accountability

• Encourages over-functioning and denial of physical or emotional needs

• Covers up abuse or silences victims

• Expectations to be perfect or always happy

• Genuine concerns dismissed as “gossip” or “insubordination”

Spiritual Abuse Is Trauma

Spiritual abuse is a real and serious form of trauma.  Cashwell and Swindle (2018) say there are three categories of religious abuse- abuse by a religious leader, abuse by a religious group, abuse with a spiritual or religious component. It can produce symptoms similar to other complex traumas, including:

• Emotional dysregulation

• Intrusive thoughts

• Avoidant behaviors

• Loss of agency, trust, or self-worth

• Sleep Problems

• Consistent anxiety, hyper-alertness, dread

• Panic attacks

• Nightmares

• Emotional numbness

• Depression

• Dissociation

• Psychosomatic illness

Like other forms of abuse, spiritual abuse is a betrayal trauma. It’s not just about bad theology—it’s about misuse of power, trust, and sacred language in ways that deeply wound.

Examples may include:

• Victims of domestic or sexual violence being blamed for their abuse (ex- being told they they need to be a “more godly wife” or “submit more”)

• Public shaming disguised as “correction”

• Religious leaders using their role to control or exploit

• Communities that protect abusers, ignoring or justifying bad behavior or abuse committed by religious leaders

• Passive aggressive comments or actions made from the pulpit or people in power

• Excluding or punishing a member of the community for expressing concerns, especially about leaders in their community

How Does Unhealthy Spirituality Develop?

Unhealthy spirituality often emerges when the force of the group outweighs the needs of the individual. When maintaining appearance, loyalty, or “correct belief” becomes more important than honesty, empathy, or connection, people get hurt. (Griffith, 2010, p.97)

Put another way: religion can become damaging when outer forms (rituals, rules, image) override inner transformation and relationship; when the “threat activation system” goes into gear to protect the community at the expense of individuals.

Additionally, unhealthy religious systems can emerge when individuals with unaddressed mental illness, trauma, or attachment wounds rise to positions of spiritual leadership. Their unresolved issues often shape the way they interpret and apply religious authority, leading them to project dysfunctional coping mechanisms onto the communities they lead. When such leaders wield scripture or the name of God to assert control, the result can be deeply harmful—especially for those who come seeking guidance, healing, or support. Unfortunately, research shows a disproportionately high rate of narcissistic traits among clergy, which further compounds the risk. In these settings, vulnerable individuals are particularly susceptible to manipulation, exploitation, and spiritual harm

What Happens When You Realize Your Faith or Religious Community is harmful?

For many, this realization is deeply disorienting. Questioning your spiritual community—or your religious beliefs—can lead to a spiritual crisis. This may feel terrifying. But, know that you are not alone. While a crisis of faith can feel incredibly scary, it’s not inherently bad—in fact, such crises often come before meaningful growth.

If you're starting to question the health of your religious environment or beliefs, here are a few suggestions:

1. Seek Wise and Safe Support

Consider talking to a safe person about your concerns. This can feel especially difficult if you've been taught that questions or concerns are signs of a “lack of faith,” labeled as “gossip,” if you've been warned not to trust outsiders, or if you're afraid of being punished simply for asking questions. It’s understandable if this first step feel scary or anxiety provoking. But, it can also be helpful to have a space to know that your not alone.

Some people to start with may include:

• Someone within your community who may hold differing perspectives

• Friends or family from earlier chapters of your life

• People who may have left your faith community

• A trusted pastor, mentor, or spiritual leader from a different community

• Mental health professionals who specialize in religious trauma, spiritual abuse, or cult recovery

• Support groups for survivors of toxic religious environments—shared experience and validation can be incredibly healing

2. Prioritize Your Healing

Give yourself permission to care for your whole self—mind, body, and spirit.

• Engage in self-care and restful, nurturing activities

• Reconnect with hobbies or interests that help you feel like you again

• Acknowledge and grieve what was lost, broken, or betrayed—grieving is a vital part of healing

3. Rediscover or Rebuild Faith

If you desire to reconnect spiritually, move gently.

• Explore practices that feel life-giving—this could include spending time in nature, moments of quiet or solitude, listening to meaningful music, being creative, journaling, moving your body, or expressing gratitude

• If you're open to exploring spiritual communities again, look for one grounded in humility, accountability, compassion, and transparency. Here is a more in depth guide on characteristics of healthy spirituality to help you assess communities as you explore.

This process may take time. It’s completely okay if your body doesn’t feel safe in a church building right now. Start small, and be patient with yourself.

Healing doesn’t require discarding everything.
You may still hold special memories or valuable spiritual insights from communities that have hurt you. Honoring both the beauty and the brokenness is part of a whole, honest healing journey. 

Therapy Can Help

Working with a therapist who understands religious trauma and the complexities of faith can be transformative.  At my practice in Nashville, TN, I help clients process betrayal, trauma, and grief connected to unhealthy religious systems.

Whether you're in the middle of deconstructing, recovering from spiritual abuse, or rebuilding a healthier faith, you don't have to go through it alone.

If you're looking for a Christian therapist in Nashville, Tennessee or Georgia who integrates trauma therapy like EMDR and spiritual sensitivity, I’d be honored to walk with you on this journey.

Let’s move towards a faith that heals. You can book a free 15-minute consultation here.